My artistic voice has been silent for so long. Maybe it has always been silenced. My psychic told me my past lives on this earth are filled with my silence. People keeping me quiet and punishing me. I am constantly being burned at the stake. This is the lifetime where my voice gets heard. At least becomes vocal, in the right ways. So far in this life it has been a process, stripping away the chains, the tape, the fear of being reprimanded. The fear of being silenced has kept me silent.
And now I am ready.
And now I know the anxiety of not being able to do art. Of not having that focus and internal connection to the divine energy. Of my energy being used and abused by another and myself. And me in turn abusing his energy. We should make it, he and I. Our artistic process simply needs to be actualized. Like the Kundalini slithering and winding up the spine, through the Chakras, shedding the old to embrace the new.
We need to shed our old habits so we can embrace the new beauty of art and understanding in our lives. And let that artistic energy be our fusion.
This is my goal for my last years in my 20’s. He may not be able to endure that long. He has waited for me to have this epiphany for years now. Is it wrong of me to ask him for longer? This is a journey I have to make for myself. In order to like/love myself and life again. This journey will happen. But will he remain by my side? Will he be there in the end of the transition, joining in the artistic glory and basking in the sunlight of divine creative energy and relishing in the rewards his patience has afforded him. Rewards like stability, balance, beauty, creation, understanding, love, partnership, joy. An explosive and beautiful svadhistana chakra. Maybe even mind-blowing sex. And, materialistically speaking, a successful art career. Being able to live off the income of his talents and all that Minaxus has to offer.
I just need to do art.
Not fearing the results.
Even if the art isn’t good, it will feel good making it.
And then maybe some day it will be good. And maybe someone will wan to buy a piece.
Until then. I just need to do it.
Or I will explode.
And probably get my heartbroken by the love of my life.
The man who should have no doubts or mistrusts with me. But he does b/c I am only just coming to the desperateness of this need to create. I’ve always known I wanted to be an artist (since I was 10 according to my psychic). No one in my family was surprised when I declared an art major. Just me apparently. And now it’s time for me to accept it and do something with all that pent up energy. Haha, accept that I am a freak that doesn’t belong here, as again, my psychic said. I may be misunderstood by some of those around me. He understands me though. And art understands. Maybe there is hope for this freak. Maybe there will be a happy ending. A beautiful partnership with my love in art, business, music and life.