The need for art drives some. So much that their social lives begin to suffer because they are drawn to the canvas. The canvas is perhaps more truthful than society for some and for others it’s silence is welcome. For some the canvas reflects and speaks wonders to what is going on inside, it is a mirror of the soul. For others, it allows them to express themselves without rebuttal. For others it’s a cathartic coping method. It’s a beautiful thing.
I’ve been diving deep into my art lately. Trying to bottle up my emotions in my shell so I am not constantly bleeding with them. And I am trying to let that sadness, that vulnerability, that fear out onto the canvas. What’s been interesting is that I told myself on Friday night that I was done with that particular piece I had started. It’s a piece just for me. I am creating it just for me. probably won’t even show anyone I know the piece. Maybe just post it here and about the process on my blog, since no one I know reads it anyway, if anyone at all. Tangent. Apologies. Point is I keep finding myself coming back to that piece from Friday night. It’s so much a piece of what I have been feeling for years that I want to keep working on it. Keep progressing it to the next and better stage. I have found that driving force of art that keeps you a recluse. That keeps you up until 3:00 working on it. Wanting to call in sick from work so you can sit at your table/easel/art space and work on it. It’s exciting to be here. I feel myself, my mind, leave and my hand just keep working. I’m barely looking at what I am doing. Though that means there is most likely to be inconsistencies and inaccuracies, but I feel as if it is what the divine wants my hand to be doing. Like I am finally learning how to channel that energy through me and act as a conduit.
I’m scared and nervous and what the outcome will be. I already tried to give up on it on Friday. But that’s my MO…my modus operandi…Quit before something is complete, so if it isn’t any good I can say I didn’t spend a lot of time on it. I’m spending a lot more time than I thought I would on this current piece. And it’s such a sad piece. But I’m trying to make it beautiful. I hope I succeed.