Anger at an Adage

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I sometimes don’t like when I have moments of enlightenment. And it’s not that I don’t like being enlightened, but it’s frustrating to look at the repercussions of said enlightenment. For example, I’ve always considered the adage that how you are on the inside is a reflected in your external environment to be true for me. And on a regular basis I am surprised about what I see going on with me. It’s funny how I can know such things but how easily they can slip aside…how easily they are forgotten when my world gets a little crazy. Astrologically speaking, I am a cancer. And true to form I cycle like the moon. And I guess it’s about this time in the cycle when I look around realize how much control I’ve lost. Or rather, where my focus is. I’m really been trying to focus on work, yoga and eating healthier right now. And when I look around, my dedicated yoga area is clean, clear and pulsating wonderful bright vibes. It’s calling to me and I want to go and practice. My home yoga practice has been phenomenal and my body is grateful. I’ve even started a meditation practice. Nothing too amazing or consistent, but still, it exists ๐Ÿ™‚ And my work area isn’t bad. It’s not great, but when I throw myself into my work I get a little disorganized. In this area, if I’m organized it means I’m not passionately focused on a project so much that I ignore everything else. Looking at my area, you can tell I’ve been decently productive in my work. I even completed three projects this weekend and worked on a few personal pieces. I was pretty happy. I have healthy food in the fridge and I’m pretty solid. But my room.

My room.

I feel like an adolescent that needs to be grounded until I clean my room. It’s a disaster area. I mean, dangerous. And hell, I’ve locked my cat in my room a ton of times this month simply because it’s so crazy I didn’t even see her in there. And my sex life is the exact same. I have a little sex goddess in me somewhere but there is so much other crap whirling around I can’t seem to locate her. And at this stage, it’s such a disaster area I’m a little frightened to even go there.

That damn adage, dude…The external reflects the internal. And it always sneaks up on me. I need to set an alert, everyday, to stop and look around. Evaluate what I see and figure out what the hell is going on on the inside. I get caught up so much in the go go go, achieve achieve achieve, produce produce produce, that I am missing what’s happening around me. And as a result, I’m missing on what’s going on inside of me.

And of course, this is why my focus has been on yoga…but it’s time I take my yoga off of my mat and into my world. The fantasy I live in, explore in, vibrate in when on the mat is a far cry from my life off of the mat. That acceptance, peace, calm and love that flows and emanates from me as I flow through my postures…I can’t seem to hold onto it. I can’t seem to intertwine and meld that energy into my subtle body. To blend and integrate and hold onto that feeling throughout the day. Something’s in my way. I’m in my way. My Samskara’s.

Isn’t that a bit titillating?

The chance to explore me as I am now. Not who I was, but who I am right now. To get to know me…it could be a life-changing experience ๐Ÿ˜‰ And maybe in a couple months, when the moon shines her nurturing light on me once again in fullness, my external environment will reflect calm, peaceful, adoring and satiated vibrations.



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