Kundalini Conversation

Kundalini Surge

Not Me

And what Kindalini all about?

 

Me

Ohhhhh sweetness…It’s from where my love for snakes was born

Hard to find classes…it’s been a lot theory for me

well, and I get caught in a single location and it’s hard to break out and try new things…but apparently there is a Kundalini studio on 29th and Julian…but it’s so far and difficult to get there…

for me, the alignment of the chakra’s through pranayama and asana lead to the awakening of the Kundalini energy. That energy, they say, is stored at the base of your spine, below the Muladahara vortex, and is coiled like a sleeping snake. When the chakra’s are aligned and you are in a higher vibrational state (meditation usually), the snake uncoils and slides up your spine. I just did a Kundalini sketch last night even, lol

Not me

That sounds so cool

Me

It’s much of the caduceus symbol with the snakes riding up the Ida and Pingala

but the energy shooting out of the shushing

It’s why I love snakes and the chakras

fuck….sushumna…

So much of my practice has been gearing me for Kundalini. I’ve been doing a lot of the work to get there. Physically, it’s one of the easier practices so newbies sometimes flock to Kundalini without understanding the concept of it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still fantastic and I’m glad they are doing it. You know I’m a Jung fan…well, maybe you don’t, but my intent to understand the shadow self to be able to dance with it instead of live in fear of it falls into Jungian theory a lot, so…Jung wrote, “When you succeed in awakening the Kundalini so that it starts to move out of its mere potentiality, you necessarily start a world which is totally different from our [usual] world. It is a world of eternity.”  If I were to go truly nuts…the Celestine Prophecy idea of the levels of vibration and then the supreme level that caused the Myans to disappear…to essentially turn into vibrations, could, could, be considered Kundalini…each stage working your way up your chakra system. My opinion of course. I haven’t read that anywhere for it to be real, but those are the connections I made.

Not me

It sounds wonderful, we have to go

Kundalini Surge
Kundalini Surge

An honest conversation about how I look and how I think

I was having a conversation with my beloved and it brought into awareness a struggle I am having about how I am am viewed. I was communicating to him my need to feel smart and to feel heard I guess. About my need to have a conversation where I can explore thoughts I am having and to decide if I am full of shit or a fucking genius. Perhaps the truth is somewhere in between 🙂

I had said something about not wanting to hear about my body but rather about the quality of my thoughts. And in this conversation it occurred to me the confusing message I may be delivering to people. You see I care how I look. I craft it, I think about it, I take it into consideration. I’m a very visual person so not only do I want to wear things that are visually pleasing to my eye, the artist in me wants to explore the boxes and challenge them. Not that I’m crazy stylish or anything like that mind you, but I do think about what I wear and how I present myself. And most the time what I look like describes how I’m feeling on the inside. For example, I know when I’ve been working out, when I’ve been eating right, when I’ve been cooking for myself. It shows on the outside. My body is a direct reflection of how I feel and how I am living my life. It represents the quality of my life in a specific moment. The fitter I am, the more I am loving myself.

I think in crafting this image of myself I’ve begun to lose the intellectual side of me. I don’t have the discussions and the dialogs in the class environment that I had growing up. One of the things that I love the most in life is getting into conversations with people. I like to get their thoughts, like to hear their opinions, and I like to merge or mingle or contrast that with my own. It’s one of my favorite ways to connect with people. My smalltalk, is not strong. I like to dive deep down into the hidden stuff pretty quickly. I want to hear about how your life is and how is this discussion, and is it impactful? I have this need to make a difference in peoples lives and I feel like I can do that better with discussion and dialogue. It’s one of my favorite reasons to be a yoga teacher. Be a guide for people. I love hearing when something I said in class causes a shift. I read and I take in ideas a lot and I like to present them to people. I share things that have blown my mind. And maybe they’re impactful and maybe not. But I like to share regardless.

Growing up, my classes were full of philosophical ponderings and seminars. This discussion I had with my beloved, I guess it just made me realize how much I miss that type of environment. The ability to connect on a deeper level with people. Our lives can get so busy and so damn full of the innocuous and the mundane. And we may forget about the deeper connections with our friends and family and people around us. I have been trying to make an effort to slow down and to open up the space so that I can connect with people on that level. This conversation has made me realize how much I need that. That is something I need regularly in my life.

And the ironic and hypocritical thing about it, is that growing up in high school and junior high and what not I’m sure I would’ve loved to have been complimented on my physical self. My younger self definitely would be slapping my current self in the face right now for complaining about getting complemented on my physical self. I grew up a bit overweight and always wearing soccer clothes. My appearance was not something I cared about.

But it is now. Whatever happens in my subconscious manifests in my conscious mind and in my physical environment. I have zero poker face. If I feel like shit, I’m sure I look like shit too. But I want to connect on all aspects of myself. Not just the gross and superficial. I want to connect deeper with my beloved, my friends, my family. I want to get to know the people in my yoga classes and connect with them on an emotional level so that I can help guide their yoga practice to place of creativity and healing.

i’ve been reading a lot on the news lately trying to figure out what’s happening in this world. And overall it really saddens me. I’ve been reading so much about wars about anger about frustration. But I want to see the beauty in people too. And the way that I see that is through connecting with them on an emotional level. Talking to them about their dreams and aspirations. Even walking that dangerous road and talking about spirituality and religion. That I fucking love. I love hearing your thoughts and new ideas to be able to expand my own consciousness. My beloved is one of the most amazing and smartest people I know and in ways I simply am not. I want to get into his head and figure out what he’s thinking and why. And I want to share my side of things complete picture can be formed and maybe, just maybe I can help expand consciousness.

And yes I want to do that while still hearing about how awesome my style is or how great my hair looks. My friend makes the amazing hats that I wear or the arm warmers that I wear, and I love bragging about my hairdresser and how awesome she makes my hair look. I love talking about the shoes that my sister gave me or the outfits my mom buys me. I still love that side of things. I love bragging about how my beloved makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. And I Love and adore connecting with people. Dancing in and with their energy. Sharing mine and commingling. Connecting with the beautiful side of humanity.

I guess I want it all. Body mind soul. I want to hear the beat of your heart, the cadence of your breath, the rhythm of your soul. I want to hear and dance to your song. I want to hear your thoughts and opinions. I want to talk about your shadow self. I want you to challenge my ideas and walk me through the understanding process. I want to discard old ideas and create new ones. I want to buy you a shot and talk about the transformative and healing dream you just had. I could go on and on.

And I love my beloved for always helping me to understand how my complaints can grow my awareness. That saying what I am upset about can help me see what I’m needing and what I value most. We are always growing and we are always learning. And it’s important to accept that and give ourselves empathy and those around us empathy as we struggle to find a successful way to communicate and to connect. But I continue to try. To do my best. And to speak with truth and non-violence. To hear and to consider. To love.

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Conversations…what is your religion

I have amazing conversations and want to share:)

 

Not me

ah, so here’s a thought for you that i had last night along the lines of our discussion last week about fate/universe. What is it about fate/universal intervention and supernatural beliefs that are so appealling to humans? I mean, god/universe/religion, what-have-you are so ingrained in the human psyche that people who are atheists generally *become* atheists.. they generally are not born atheists. (again, using generally here, as i know there are some people who are raised by atheists and continue to be atheist). but atheists, in the truest sense of the word, don’t believe in any sort of religion, any sort of soul or spirit or metaphysical guiding force, anything that isn’t the physical world and its vast and astonishing manifestations. so what is it about divine intervention, supernatural beliefs that is so appealing to humans? i mean throughout our relatively short history on earth, humans have used supernatural beliefs/religion to explain phenomena. now though, we have science and proven facts that show us why things happen. (why the sun sets, why people get sick, etc).

i think it is because the thought of us standing on a rock hurling itself through space and looking up at the vast amount of infinite space above us reminds us of our own mortality. of our own fragile existence. and this of course, is terrifying. why not make some shit up about how everything that happens to us happens for a reason? or believing in a higher power that actually cares about what happens to us is like putting on a warm cozy sweater in the rain. the rain of the infinite abyss we call life on a planet amidst a billion other planets and an infinite amount of emptiness.

hmm. just some thoughts.

but to me at least, it’s like we’re wearing blinders when we get caught up in religion/fate/universal intervention. people say things happen for a reason. but how do you know? we don’t ever get to know that reason. it’s so egocentric, that statement. we’re wearing blinders that make us feel better. we’re not facing the reality that holy shit man, we are creatures that shouldn’t be. that came about through millions of years of evolution and somehow, someway, we’re still fucking here. we deserve some fucking credit, not some higher power or infinite cosmic go-go juice.

Me

Okay, first of all, LOVE this. Second, for the most part I agree.

It makes us feel better, gives us a reason and a purpose. Justification and leaves some of the accountability off of us.

what do you believe?

Not me

I consider myself more agnostic. i’m on the verge of atheist but atheists BELIEVE there is no god/higher power/soul. so i consider myself agnostic because I just don’t know.

plus, it’s a very comforting thought that there is something out there that we cannot see or touch that actually cares about these creatures on this far flung rock of a planet. however, if we ever learn that there isn’t, i won’t be devastated.

doubt is my religion. 🙂

what about you?

 Me

I think I am scientifically, energetically spiritual

I’m pretty sure I don’t believe in an external god

I believe in energy

and the laws of energy…so things happen for a reason. Well, yeah, because of energy, law of attraction, what you put out you get back, etc.

Not Me

energy can be quantified. and electromagnetic energy has been tested and proven to emanate from the heart. EM energy can do a lot.

Me

exactly

so I believe in that

so, there’s internal energy and external energy but it’s all still just energy reacting the way it’s supposed to

we have the power to shift our energy and I hold that very sacred so it gives me some purpose, some reason, a semblance of control

and the idea that we are all one/connected is very, spiritual to me I guess

it’s easy to forget that, especially when people are such assholes.

Me

which in turns makes us an asshole

respond to like with like, right?

law of attraction ish

And let’s add on to that

I do believe meditation and psychs can open portals. I don’t think we are alone

in this form, sure

but some of the experiences I’ve had, and the idea of our ego getting a little out of control to think we are the only ones

Not Me

ah, and that is where the wise decision is made to not take things personally. because yeah, meditation and such can open up “doors”, shape our brains, our personalities. to realize that we are eternal energy. this form is just temporary

Me

which is still equally as amazing and sacred

So, it’s interesting. I’m very “yoga” in thought and have been loving using science to back it up

so again, god? no

at least with the traditional definitions of god. a shift is happening so god becomes universe/energy…but I have a sour taste in my mouth with that word

yes! i love meditation and yoga for this reason. science has proven that these things are very good for mind and body.

exactly. god, by definition is something that overpowers us. we cannot shape. even though man invented “god”. i laugh when people worry about what happens after death. my dad sent an email out to all his kids a while back that said he was worried that we weren’t going to church, we weren’t practicing catholics because he worries about where we will go after death. well, if he was actually paying attention, and IF (a HUGE IF) there is actually a god and jebus and such, there is no hell for people to go to. god is seen as merciful to them. so why worry? it makes no sense to me. I just laugh at the trivial comedy of it all.

i just realize that paragraph may not have been easy to understand. in any case. LOL.

Me

so…question

Read two of your statements:

If this statement:

we cannot shape. even though man invented “god”.

Then how this statement:

plus, it’s a very comforting thought that there is something out there that we cannot see or touch that actually cares about these creatures on this far flung rock of a planet. however, if we ever learn that there isn’t, i won’t be devastated.

Do you see what I’m saying?

If man created god then there isn’t something out there that cares.

But wait.

What if we really did? Think about it energetically, is it possible that the energy of all of the mythologies, theologies, panthologies, etc that humans have been investing in/exploring/intending created the permeating energy…shit, thoughts aren’t synapsing over here…

mmmm

 Not me

hmmm… so if man created god, man is god. hahaha mwwahahahaha

*evil laugh*

Me

Man is Frankenstien…

Creation is stronger than the creator

 Not me

ooo i like that one

Conversations…Being Cocreators

Potential

I have a lot of amazing conversations with friends…and I’d like to share 🙂

Not Me:
expand on that thought about being cocreators.

does that make sense?

Not Me:

yes!

we are active parts of the universe. made of star stuff. i agree with that. we are creators of our own worlds.

but the universe plays a role still. ok. i can get behind that. but i don’t get behind the whole fate thing. however, i do believe we each have our own purpose in this blip of a nanosecond in universe time that we call life.

but some people, if not most, fail to reach that purpose. or fully realize it?

Me

It’s my attempt at trying to blend fate and free will, the universal whole and the individual self, and in so many ways, from my rudimentary understanding, the metaphor of Indra’s Net.

how do you separate the universe playing a role and fate?

Not Me:

fate is fixed. the universe can play a role, but ultimately the self has the final say.

Me

what kinds of activities to which are you referrencing?

viz…

you were just in a car accident and paralyzed from the waist down, was that the self having the final say?

Not Me:

nope, but the final say is how you react.

Me

so how do you distinguish between the activies of universe and self?

and, how do you know the universe didn’t set you up with the ability to react in a certain way

Not Me:

and there’s the kicker.

Me

and in fact how do you know the universe didn’t want to send you down a specific path via a specific incident that all depended on your reaction, and if you didn’t react the way to lead you down your path then similar incidents keep happening?

Not Me:

we are all beings of the universe. to differentiate is to diminish the universe itself. i’m just spewing thoughts now. but see, fate is different than universe happenings, if you will.

Me

well, again, I struggle with being a part of and separate from the universe simultaneously. we are one, energetically and mathematically and scienticially, but individual artists of the expression of life

i don’t know, I just made that up, spewing thoughts as you said

Not Me:

i like that. i get that. but yeah, i think that’s the definition of the human condition.

but my logical mind still will not let me believe in fate, or an unseen outside force pulling strings.

Me

well, despite it all, and all that we think, and that we are all made of star stuff, we’re still human beings in this manifestation

Oh, I don’t see it as pulling on strings, though I do adore the Wyrd Sisters

Not Me:

hahaha

greek mythology, ftw

Me

I even dressed up as Clotho for halloween one time

Not Me:

did you??

i can totally see that

Me

yeah, no one got it

Not Me:

peons.

Me

haha. Normals

Think about it in terms of fractals

Not Me:

how so

Me

of mathematical, logical systems at play

Not Me:

?

ok….

Me

or even through chemistry

take the abstract out of it

lay it down with numbers

chemical bonds right, two elements are bound to bond due to their properties, yes

?

Not Me:

yes

Me

different bonds for different situations

Not Me:

ok

Me

our bodies are just bonding with other bodies, as fate would have it, due to our chemical make up

Not Me:

ok but where does “fate would have it” come in? random occurences aren’t so much random as a calculated event?

Me

and just for the record, I’m toying with this idea for me too, I’ve never thought this out before like this, lol

so fate is what gave us our chemical inclinations

and perhaps fate is what generates the bond

take gryoscopes

that thing will spin on an apex (forgetting the technical term) for a long time, spinning into gravity going and going and slowly making a circle down as force slows

but someone needs to pull the string

to start the motion

Not Me:

ahhhh

Me

ahhh yeah or ahh no?

I’m just synapsing thoughts here

Not Me:

so maybe fate isn’t a pulling of the strings but more a slight breeze of outer influence….influencing (lack of a better word) certain events that we can choose how to react to.

Me

Exactly…it’s not god…the pulling of strings is so greek mythology. the idea that they play with us and we’re just marionettes.

I love the slight breeze of outer influence

Not Me:

however, we are still in control. no matter what we do or where we go, how can one say that fate had anything to do with it? is it just an easy way to try to understand things which we do not understand? to put a simple term like fate on something that we do not quite understand is… minimizing i think.

however, i think anything we say and think about the universe is minimizing. how can we understand infinite? our meat bag brains won’t let us. hmmm….

Me

yeah, that’s paradoxical…if got is omnipotent can he create a rock that’s too heavy for him to lift

Montesque said it amazingly, IMO, when he said that all aspects of what we think are true b/c it is so vast and infinite and we are so miniscule how can one comprehend

he probably would have agreed to the meat bag brains usage too 🙂

Not Me:

hahaha!

Me

isn’t saying that we are in control insulting to the universe that is so infinite though?

Not Me:

parodoxical! that’s the word i was looking for

Me

if we are so small, how can we have the audacity to think we are in control

Not Me:

but we are the universe.

Me

if we are the universe are we still meat bags?

Not Me:

and now we go back to the self/universal being.

Me

exactly

Not Me

ha! i like our chats

Me

Me too 🙂