How did I get so lost? How did my energy get so blackened and dark and toxic? I guess I really did lose my self. I forgot to be aware of my own energy and what I needed. I think it’s easier to do that in college. Self awareness I mean. There’s more freedom, more space, more randomness and just overall the ability to take time for yourself. At least, it was that way for me. It was so much easier to just go for a walk, hell, walking to class felt good and was meditative and allowed me the opportunity to be aware of my self.
I need to incorporate that into my life, into my workplace and my post work habits. My energy is so toxic and it isn’t bright and shining with energy. The bright colors of my aura’s are dirtied by anger, pain, envy and fear. I’ve started a meditation that hopefully will help me clear my energy, imagining that the red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet and indigo burst through and throw the tar aside. That a gold light envelops me and heals me. I imagine I am connected to the universe. A part of it. My feelings of isolation are self-inflicted. And I want to feel that no more. I want to live beautifully. Create a life of beauty. Expose the ugliness within me. I don’t want to catch a cold from the ice inside my soul. I don’t want to live a half life anymore, and I want to stop scaring myself and those around me. I want beauty, not bindings.