Agonizing darkness


agonyAgony, that which can hunt us, and is waiting for the opportunity to take us down. In all of life’s uncertainty, we know that we will experience pain to varying degrees. Whether it manifests as fear, anxiety, depression, or anger, the human experience involves acrimony. 

There may be times in life when you experience a rip in your reality so profound that you are crippled. Those times when life seemingly unfairly takes, breaks, and/or burdens and the consequential gut-wrenching pain throws your weakened being to the ground. All you see is the destruction of what was burn around you. Your breath is shattered as sobs echo in the newly-made holes in your heart. And you can just hold yourself, with thoughts of disappearing into the shadows that darken your life.

Fear not the darkness.

See those skulls scattered around you? They are remnants of the battles of your past and the challenges you have already conquered.  Past jobs, coworkers, relationships, friendships, deaths, arguments, anger, whatever has challenged, and perhaps devastated you lie in the burning refuse. As Kali bore the skulls, so do you. They support you now for they have revealed you. They tell a story of your strength and perseverance. It doesn’t matter how ungraceful, frantic, terrifying, or horrible it was, you have sustained and are continuing on your path. You are learning and adjusting based on the experiences you have endured. You are getting stronger. You are shedding the old and emerging in a fresh skin.

And as your new skin brightens into brilliance, your energetic spine rises strong and fierce for you. Kundalini, your creative energy, is ready to rise amidst the destruction. It is vital and potent, ready to strike. Part of the cosmic consciousness, it invites you to activate your truest self and ascend. 

So while you writhe in agony, and you, in complete exhaustion finally surrender to the pain of existence…remember the strength you have within. The journey of life has led you to this moment and your dharmic self is waiting to pull you from the fires that burn. 

You have already survived so many battles. You have already fought so hard, don’t give up now. You are ready to stand up in your essence and rediscover who you are.




Lift yourself


I was relaxing with my beloved the other night, just watching one of our snakes, when Indra, the piebald, started to talk to me and to show me an insight he had to share.

To me, snakes are gracefully strong creatures. They seem to be aware of every inch of their body as they maneuver through life. And Indra saw me, and started to move across his tank. It looks like such a dance of movements. If I were to relate it to the human body, I imagine it’s much like when we dance and we flow with our shoulders reaching out and exploring with our hands, and yet stabilize around and our hips, maybe they gyrate around, perhaps they are still, but they are our fulcrum as our feet root into the earth, providing a foundation upon which to move.


So he glides over to the side and looks up. And I absorb as I watch him position his body and then starts to reach up to the top. His muscle control was astounding (albeit quite natural to him) as he makes his way higher and higher, again, using only his strength. I can see the shifts in his lower body make some small movements, super small adjustments, to help him lift himself even higher.

I watched him, poised and beautiful, lift himself high. And then I saw him fall over. And I realized that what he had to show me, was that despite it all, no matter how high we lift ourselves, how aware we are, or how healthy and nurturing our choice are, we still sometimes find our edge and fall over.

Falling over didn’t even seem to make Indra flinch. It was like he gave it his all, saw what he needed to see, revealed what he needed to reveal, and that was enough. He wasn’t actually trying to touch the top (okay, maybe he was, I don’t really speak parcel tongue), but whatever he was going for, what he seemed to receive, was enough. He wasn’t upset he didn’t get all the way to the top, or that he didn’t stay there or what have you. He seemed quite content with the experience he had.

What a delightful feeling that must be…to give something your strength, your effort, your awareness, to discover your apex of ability in that unique moment, to fall, and to glide away content. Santosha, embraced.

With love,